Jared Leto, Zac Posen and Johnny Depp. Illustration: Florian Meacci.

Jared Leto, Zac Posen and Johnny Depp. Illustration: Florian Meacci.

WHO WILL SAVE MENSWEAR?

After the MET gala, our enigmatic insiders muse upon the crisis in menswear: it’s awfully limiting and boring. But don’t despair; they find hope in Yummys, Henrys and Jared Leto!

Amber Heard, illustration by Florian Meacci.

A: I feel so sorry for menfolk!

B: It’s not their fault that they’re still struggling with the concept of guyliner. 

A: True, but that’s not what I’m upset about! I looked at the MET gala pictures and with the Charles James exhibition being all about old school glamour, the women were doing a good job of outshining each other with one gown more gorgeous than the other, while the constrictions of menswear became so painfully evident. It must be terribly boring to be male.

B: Tux after tux after tux… blah, blah, blah. Though in fairness, [designer] Zac Posen turned up in a cape. A FLOOR-LENGTH cape. A FLOOR-LENGTH SATIN cape.

A: Giving André Leon-Talley realness… I know menswear is all about the details, but I’m sorry, I, for one, need a grand gesture. It’s just how I work! So thank you, Zac. THANK YOU.

B: I was mightily confused by Johnny Depp. His schtick may be ‘off-kilter’, but his tails, spats, pocket watch, white gloves and cane went off-piste. Plus, he looked like the Monopoly Man.

A: I think that must’ve been the first time anyone gave Monopoly Man realness.

B: You’re welcome. Though I don’t remember the Monopoly Man having a babe like Amber Heard by his side. Johnny’s schtick clearly has a way with the ladies, so he doesn’t have to care, I suppose. I also sense that he’s a raggedy tracksuit bottom kind of guy around the house. We can’t look to Johnny for sartorial answers. Who then?

A: HENRY.

B: Henry Cavill? I know he played Superman, but...

A: No no no no. HENRY. High Earner Not Rich Yet. It’s a type of guy, like the Yummy.

B: Has he something to do with yummy mummies?

A: God, you are hopeless. Yummy means ‘young urban male’. The Yummies and the Henrys are supposed to save menswear, because they love fashion and they have the money to spend on it. 

B: Sorry, but yummy to me is Jared Leto. And if that makes me hopeless, it’s because I am hopelessly in love. Forget Johnny, people, Jared is the new poster boy for bad ass fashionisto. 

A: He’s been seen in skirt-trousers! That’s like Kanye territory – which to be fair, is another guy working at the outer limits of men’s fashion. And he loves guyliner. Jared, that is.

B: Well, perhaps the experience of playing a woman in Dallas Buyers’ Club (hello, Oscar-winning performance!) liberated him somehow.

A: And now all men are winners. Next year’s MET gala will turn the tables: Peacock dress code for the guys, boilersuits for the women. Jared Leto will be crowned king.

B: Or queen... LONG LIVE JARED LETO.

The identity of our gossip folk remains an enigma. The illustrator behind this drawing however we know and adore; Florian Meacci, a French illustrator based in London. 

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