Tom Ford and Rihanna, Florian Meacci.

Tom Ford and Rihanna, Florian Meacci.

Shine bright like a diamond

Tom Ford’s marvellous motor mouth, models with neck problems, the magic of Photoshop and the cult of Rihanna: our mysterious fashion insiders on what matters most right now.

A: I can’t believe Tom Ford has stopped doing botox! Is this some kind of midlife crisis?

B: Wait, that was botox? He looked so good, I thought he slept in a pool of crushed diamonds (a great exfoliator) and liquid cashmere (to maintain suppleness).

A: Or that he had a direct line to Dorian Gray. Well, no, this sadly wasn’t the case. Instead he was served with a CFDA lifetime achievement award and, I paraphrase, felt his life was over.

B: How dramatic! I did wonder why Tom had become the new Karl Lagerfeld. So. Many. Opinions. On everything and anything. It’s like he has nothing to lose now. For example, in the WWD interview with Bridget Foley, he says: “[Fashion advertising] is not about the models, it’s about the image. She’s no longer a person; she’s an image.”

A: Cue *aghast faces* among bloggers and twitterers all over the world...

B: Not to mention Fashion Spot forum obsessives! And it goes on: “The way we talk — ‘she has no neck; her legs are stumps’ — of course she has a neck. But the image isn’t an image of a real person. It’s an idealised image.”

A: I love how there is some kind of magic going on when a model is transformed from flesh and blood into pure image. At one point she has a neck, and then – abracadabra – her neck is no more!

B: But it’s nothing that Photoshop cannot fix.

A: Where we see a person, Tom just sees pixels in the wrong places.

B: That seems awfully unfair for the pixels.

A: Not to mention the models.

B: WHATEVER, they have legs that go on forever and cheekbones that cut glass. *brief jealous rage*

A: But we don’t have to listen to Tom anyways.

B: That is true. After he claimed that there is only one trusted source in the world of fashion – apparently no one even reads reviews anymore! I know I have found my calling.

A: Me too, she’s the source of all wisdom in this modern world: Rihanna. I’ve even heard it whispered that the reason her Instagram had to be shut down was because it was so ahead of its time. Us mere mortals couldn’t handle the knowledge before completing at least four levels of RiRism – yes that’s the official name of the religion of Rihanna.

B: I am a devout disciple of RiRism, but I don’t think I can go any further than level two – wearing menswear. And I certainly wouldn’t be able to essentially turn up NAKED to a ceremony celebrating my icon status.

A: It looked liked she was wearing Tom’s pool of crushed diamonds.

B: They’re in cahoots! But I’m not so sure I agree with Tom, the CFDA, Anna Wintour… BIG WORDS, I KNOW. Let’s be honest, aren’t we all just overestimating RiRi’s impact on, well, THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD?

A: My gosh, you are right! She’s been working this nude thing for years! And where is Rihanna’s naked revolution? I don’t see it.

B: Maybe the world needs to reach NiRiRivana first?

A: Amen.

 

The identity of our gossip folk remains an enigma. The illustrator behind this drawing however is the well-known and adored Florian Meacci, a French illustrator based in London. 

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