WHAT YOU TAUGHT ME

When making our way through life, we often find ourselves turning to those around us who can share a skill, offer advice, or just listen. Sometimes it’s our dad, sometimes it’s another wise paternal figure. 

This Father’s Day, we share four beautiful stories that celebrate the different meanings of paternal connection, guidance, and unconditional support. Here are their stories on what you taught me.

KELLY AND SPENCER DEZART-SMITH & THEIR SON, ALEXIS 

What was the first thing you remember Alexis teaching you?
Kelly: One of the first of many lessons Alexis has taught me was getting comfortable with the unknown.
Spencer: Definitely patience and accepting that not everything will go exactly as you want it to go. He, still to this day, reminds me to take things slow and value every moment because each one passes by so fast.

What have you taught Alexis about treating those around you?
Kelly: I tell Lexi it’s not about being perfect. It’s about being accountable. I’ve encouraged him to admit his mistakes and to apologise when he hurts those around him.
Spencer: I try to teach Lexi to be mindful of others and to try to see the humanity in everyone. Being a kid is really full on. You have so much to learn and your peers are also learning so interactions can be really unexpected at times. So I try to always provide him context to situations and to never paint others as “bad”.

What would you like to thank Alexis for?
Kelly: It’s really beautiful watching a child enjoy some of life’s simplest pleasures. Like savoring the taste of a ripe mango, the beauty of bats flying across the night sky, or pushing your ears up against a seashell to hear ocean waves. Thank you for reminding me life is filled with many simple pleasures.
Spencer: I would just thank him for everything. He is the most beautiful little person and I am so grateful to call him my son.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, how has this impacted Alexis’ upbringing?
Kelly: Our community has taught me family extends way beyond blood. Lexi’s countless Queer uncles, aunts and extended family have gone above and beyond to create an environment that is creative, safe and filled with care. It’s a nurturing environment built to have him thrive. I’m forever grateful and know that if Lexi couldn’t come to his parents for something, there are countless members of his family he can reach out to.
Spencer: Our community is the backbone of our family. We have a very active and loving network around us, and I can’t imagine what it would be like navigating not just parenthood but a relationship without this support. We are all better humans because of the love and support we surround each other with.

What do you hope Alexis will learn about love and family? 
Kelly: I hope Lexi knows that love and family are abundant and always near.
Spencer: That the love that comes from his family is unconditional. He is surrounded by both and always will be. That I can promise. 

Kelly and Spencer are two dads based in Sydney raising their son Alexis. Follow their journey at @girlwhereyouat and @boy_friend 

 

DISABILITY SUPPORT WORKER BEN MCINTOSH AND HIS MENTEE, ZAC

What is the most important lesson you’ve learnt from one another?
Ben: The most valuable lesson Zac’s taught me is to live in the moment. Not allowing things to affect me for long and just moving on.
Zac: That I can build on my confidence by practicing doing things. He taught me to face my fears, we started with buying something all by myself in the supermarket.

What would you like to thank each other for?
Ben: I’d like to thank Zac for allowing me the opportunity to be a part of his life. It’s an honour that he and his family trust me in playing such a crucial role in his development.
Zac: I would like to thank Ben for all the fun we have.

What has Ben/Zac taught you about yourself? 
Ben: I never thought I could make such a big difference in someone’s life until I started working with Zac. Seeing him grow and seeing his skills develop throughout our time working together has been one of the most fulfilling experiences of my life. I am forever grateful that he’s shown me that I can have such a positive influence on someone’s life. Zac’s taught me that to be there for someone doesn’t even necessarily mean you have to say anything. Just being present with someone is enough to make a difference.
Zac: He has taught me that I am funny.

What advice would you pass on to the next generation that you’ve learnt from Zac?
Ben: One of the most important things I’ve gotten from Zac is really how well he moves on from something that’s made him upset. His mood can be lifted so easily which is something I think everyone could benefit from. Just not focusing on the negative and looking at the positive.

Ben is a disability support worker based on the Gold Coast. Follow his adventures at @benjmcintosh, and Zac's at @zac.carley

 

CHASING GHOSTS FRONTMAN AND PROUD THUNGHUTTI MAN JIMMY KYLE AND HIS BIG BROTHER AND PROUD KALKADOON MAN, COUNTRY

What was the first thing you remember your brother teaching you?
Jimmy: How to crack a whip, how to throw a rope, how to ride a bike backwards, how to shape up.

What was the most valuable lesson your brother has taught you?
Jimmy: Empathy. Be good to people, they all have a story. Try have a joke and yarn and look for the best in people but don’t let anyone walk over you.
Country: Love of a brother.

What has your brother taught you about treating those around you?
Jimmy: Be good to everyone but take the high road when others don’t.
Country: Great respect for everyone no matter who they are or where they come from.

What advice would you pass on to the next generation that you’ve learnt from your brother?
Jimmy: You only fail when you give up, just keep moving through the stepping stones to success, lean into it and keep going! Just be ready when opportunity comes.
Country: Be who you are. Live your dream and never quit.

What would you like to thank your brother for?
Jimmy: Being a rock for me, being so kind loving and gentle to me when I didn’t have it. Just being a great mate who always backed me when other wouldn't.
Country: Being part of my life.

What lessons have you learnt from your wider community? 
Jimmy: Always tell it straight, humble yourself, don’t forget where you come from, respect your Elders, and lead by example. Don’t be a know it all and listen twice as much as your talk - that’s why we have two ears. Always be proud of your mob!

Jimmy is the frontman for band Chasing Ghosts and a proud Thunghutti man. Follow his band at @chasingghosts. Country is a former professional bull rider, bronco rider, bareback, steer wrestling cowboy and former premier jockey.

 

ARTIST AND CREATOR BIANCA BEERS AND HER FATHER, MILAD

What was the first thing you remember your dad/daughter teaching you?
Bianca: There are two important things dad has drilled into me since I can remember: the first is that family comes first, and the second is to not worry about what other people think of you. He's taught me other things too, like how to haggle ANYONE ANYWHERE to get a bargain, and how to cook a delicious cheese sandwich. Valuable lessons!
Milad: The first thing Bianca taught me eventuated when she was born. She taught me to experience joy and love above all.

What was the most valuable lesson your dad/daughter has taught you?
Bianca: The most valuable thing he's taught me is how to assert myself and stand up for what I believe in. Dad has always been extremely generous and always goes out of his way to help others --he would literally give the shirt off his back to a stranger. Through that he's shown me the many ways to be of service to others, and how to form new friendships.
Milad: The most valuable lesson Bianca has taught me is to be tolerant and non-judgmental. Bianca has shown me I can be loving and caring, which are things I never thought I had in me. 

What have you learnt from each other about creativity?
Bianca: Look I'll be honest.... Not a damn thing! Over the year’s dad has helped boost my self-confidence by always singing my praises and making sure I know my worth. I still to this day have moments where I feel imposter syndrome creeping in, or I doubt myself, but dad has always backed me and with kind words and helped me in any way he can.

Milad: Bianca’s creativity has taught me there are many ways to work and live, and many different things someone can be passionate about. She has helped me appreciate art in all forms. In terms of fashion, Bianca has taught me that everything can look great as long as it’s worn with confidence and a smile.

What would you like to thank each other for?
Bianca: I'd like to thank dad for always being courageous, for always being generous, for making the yummiest sandwiches and cooking the meanest BBQs. I'd especially like to thank him for becoming gentle and understanding over recent years; not an easy task but I appreciate it immensely.

Milad: I thank my daughter Bianca for exploring and finding more wisdom within me. Making me more subdued, more tolerant, more patient, more understanding, and non-judgmental. That all helps me to be a better person and in turn has helped me to be able to assist others.

Bianca is an artist, designer and creator based in Sydney. See her amazing work at @biancabeers

 

This Father’s Day we thank every paternal figure for all the invaluable knowledge and support they’ve provided to us. We also pause and think of those whose father figures are no longer with us or those separated by distance. Thank you for all you’ve taught us.

Looking for gift ideas for dad? Discover our Father’s Day gift guide here.